How
to write a story or just fill space and make it look like an article.
I
waited anxiously for the word processor to start. Why are computers
still so damn slow, I thought. It was the thirteenth year of the
21st,... scratch that, twenty first century and I was
determined to finally get that damn novel wrote that I had been
planning and avoiding writing for years. Life gets in the way of art
sometimes.
Now
the book was finally starting so time to establish some ground rules
right?
Rule
one. No abbreviating. Mostly because I need to get at least 40,...
er, I mean forty pages out of this first draft. Oh and that includes
numbers too. The long version takes up more space than the short one,
and publishers like lengthy books so... yeah.
The
next rule of course is to use paragraphs, as it makes the book easier
to read and also takes up more space. And there is that length issue
again.
As
a male it seems like the length issue follows you every where you go.
You know what they say, big feet, big shoes.
Where
was I? Oh yes, rule number D. type in a somewhat larger font as it is
easier for me to read, and also there is the length thing again.
Next,
a novel needs a topic so that it does not just wander all over the
place and get lost in limbo at the end. For example, the topic of
this piece appears to be, how to write a story, or just typing random
crap, or filling space until the needed number of pages is met.
Tally?
That is about three pages now and three or four rules and I still
have not gotten to the damn point. Notice how I wrote that is instead
of that's? You gotta pay attention guys there may be a quiz.
Rule
five, of course, is spelling and grammar, which is taken care of by
the word processor because I am pressed for time and a bit lazy.
Also, the commas and quotation marks and stuff like that take up more
room and help me to reach my goal faster. Length is everything in
novels.
The
next point to make here is pictures and illustrations. They fill more
space and make the book more interesting.
Like
this photo I took of a butterfly in my yard one day. It is pleasing
to the eye and so makes the book more appealing to the reader.
The
picture is nice and colorful and takes up a whole paragraph by
itself. So, pictures good.
The
most important thing about a novel is plot. Man v man. Man v nature.
Man v wife in divorce court. You get the point. Without a plot, the
reader would just get bored and throw away the piece. Plots make or
break a book. Unlike movies, plots are a definite must in books. I
remember watching a certain para annoying non activity movie and
wondering if anything was ever going to happen. It didn't.
Finally,
you need characters in a story, whether it is a jolly green giant or
wicked witch who melts in the shower or a wicked queen who looks like
a playing card and orders peoples heads cut off and yet never gets
stomped for some reason. Characters make a story interesting as long
as they are not all the same. Variety is the key to a good story.
Now
I totally lost count of my rules here, and yes I left out the C on
purpose, just for fun. Told you there was a quiz.
